Chaos Theory

Remarkable.

The essence of this theory is that we do not live in order, despite how structured our lives are. There is some form of chaos within everything around us. And it is uncontrollable.
The Butterfly Effect is part of it-the man who developed this idea, Edward Lorenz, used a butterfly to exemplify this: a butterfly in the pacific can flap its wings and cause a tornado in Texas.
Another way to see it is with a ball. The exact destination of a ball rolled into a valley depends on its initial starting point on a hill.
Small, seemingly insignificant events and our reactions to them have unthinkable amounts of possible outcomes.
And the concept affects our decisions.

It makes me think ahead.
What consequences will come of this choice? How could it benefit/hinder my direction in life?
It makes me think past.
What could I have done that caused this event in my life? What could be different now had I made a certain decision?

As I continued to dwell on those thoughts, it preoccupied me for a while. And not necessarily in a good way. There was sometimes remorse for the past, and a bit of anxiety for the future.
This stress and worry was so great, but not needed at all.

To remain on what and how you are doing in your life, to speculate and analyze every action, to needlessly overwhelm and work yourself up over how you cannot control this chaos is the last thing you or I need to do.

There are more important things to focus all our energy and concern on.

Besides, God has complete control.
Of course, we have a natural right to discern for ourselves and live with a free will, and God does not control our every motion and thought. But, realizing that, as in the Butterfly effect, there are SO many possible results that can occur from ANY choice we make. And I think God can foresee any and all of these possible future outcomes.
In this way, He influences our life in the people He sends into our path, or the opportunities that he leads us to.
He wants what's best for our life in Him, and he has the power to help with control in that way.
And so all of the extra worry and stress and anxiety is worthless; however, a little consideration for how you lead your life doesn't hurt.
In the midst of chaos, isn't it nice to have a little refuge in our lives?
Like a friend calling right as I begin to get overwhelmed.
Or feeling a strong urge to pray when I wander too far.
I do see it at work everyday; God's silent way of helping us through our hardships and nudging us in the right direction.

Thank you, God

One of the best Aprils in years.
All of this just reaffirms my faith in friendships and my adoration for all those around me.
Have you ever known someone that you enjoy hanging around and you don't annoy them too much and when you're having fun it is SO fun?
Multiply that by 10 or so more people.
And there you go.

About a year ago, I remember feeling incredibly happy upon my return from Mexico-at such a high point of happiness. It was mainly because the trip made me realize how blessed I was to have such wonderful people around me. And that was just my youth group-imagine how I feel now with the friendships I have a year later.
It is extremely comforting to spend time with those you love.
I suggest you do it frequently.

I know the most wonderful people in the world...I could even go so far as to say the universe.
I don't think I can fully express to them how grateful I am to have met them all.

What a day.

That's really all there is to it.

How gratifying is it to know that those who leave your life aren't truly gone?
Does it give you hope? Or do you get caught up in all of the grief that accompanies this person's physical passing?

I don't know.

I know that it's hard. I haven't experienced too many deaths. And those I have weren't particularly awful as compared to others who experienced them with me.
Sometimes it makes me feel uncaring.
I wish I could have known them better. I would have wanted to enjoy their last few years with them. It probably would have helped both of us.

Today's news struck home significantly more, simply because it was much closer.
I did not know Cody Murphy. I hardly remember seeing Melanie Marcelletti. But because I know people who knew them closely, I empathize.
I feel for those who are leaving their thoughts on his myspace, or calling his phone to hear his voicemail message. It is so hard to let go.
Can you imagine not seeing someone that you saw everyday of your life? Someone you loved?

I'm praying for the lives that Cody touched; for their grief, for their faith, for their celebration and remembrance of him. Because if they were touched by this person, it won't be easy to let go of all of the memories. And they shouldn't.



Today my grandmother called to explain to us that, after years of battling chemotherapy, the doctors had done everything they could to help my great Aunt Karen. It wasn't caught quick enough.
She has been put into hospice care. The tumors are too much for her.

In reality, I believe it's the best thing to do.
The radiation was hurting her more than helping her.
She will be in comfort for her last few weeks.
And the best aspect of this is she definitely headed for the Lord in heaven.

It is hard to let go.
To the point of tears.
But a great thing about life is moving on,
and moving forward after living a life with Jesus,
and eventually meeting the Lord in all of his glory is truly great.

FINALLY.

After a hectic few weeks,
After distraught that I was causing you hurt
and worries you were feeling avoided,
After so much frustration on my part,
and so little supposed action on your's,
Finally, I hear:
"Even if it's just doing homework, I want to hang out and do something."

That's all I've wanted to hear.

"I agree!"

Thank goodness.