Autumnal Eve

"September comes and so does Fall,
And all my friends come to call.
School is here, they give a cheer,
But I'm not happy at all."

-Hannah McMaster
Early Grade 2



I love fall days actually. Once they begin to feel like Autumn. Which could take a while in SoCal...

Mixed emotions

It's hard to be in a certain mood lately.

There are so many wonderful and sad things happening at once that I have to sit down to sort through them all.

Nick was right. We have all become too good at masking our true feelings.
I wonder if that's why it's harder for some people to meet others for the first time. You can trust your friends with most things, and you know what they're reactions are going to be. You grow accustomed to sharing certain things with them.
When you meet someone new, you barely have an idea of how they are. It's difficult at first to know what you can show and what you need to hide.

I can hardly think of what I'm typing right now because something floats to the center of my attention every 10 seconds.

I haven't felt this way before. It's interesting. My feelings truly are mixed because I don't know what to feel.

What I want to do is lofty.

There's that cliched phrase, "follow your dreams."

I've begun to realize how much I ignore that. I have always just thought of dreams as lofty and unreachable. Idealistic. I figured I should just work for something I know I could attain, and play it safe; be sure not reach to far just to end up falling. Then the other half of me tends to wonder what would happen if I tried a little harder; what if I could have made it, what if I could have done that well, and I just never tried?
This is the most common controversial issue that I struggle to straighten out when I consider my future.
The side that urges me to give it a go is winning right now.

Mainly because I've been thinking of some interesting concepts and ideas that I love exploring.

I'm considering writing a book. Well, more of a compilation. Of interviews.

I know that sounds boring and weird. But I'm planning something different, and I even had trouble explaining it to myself at first. I wrote a two page rant last night that weighed my options:

• These interviews aren't standard interviews. Whenever I've heard interviews, they focus on one person and and one topic that's discussed between the two of them. But I want ask different things. Questions that help me lean more than just what this person is already known for. I want to get to know these people. I wouldn't call them mini biographies, but almost. I started out with this concept, but saw no point to it. Especially when I began falling into this trend of choosing interviewees like 'Water polo coach' or 'Baptist Preacher.' Why? I had to ask myself why. I just want to know about their lives. But if that's all, whats the purpose? What am I to show and share with others?

• Is it selfish of me to want to meet with these people ? Especially if they are well-known, or famous? And just to talk for a little while? Should I be taking time out of their busy schedule just so I can learn about them? I think there definitely needs to be some sort of output that can benefit others when I do this.
  

• And if the discussions don't center around one topic (their achievements, organizations, historic happenings), isn't it just simply talking? Wouldn't that take a while? Wouldn't that be seen as trying to become friends with them? Which is fine in one sense, but selfish in another. And why publish it? Why track these people down?

• Am I looking for their point of view? What exactly am I looking for in each person/personality? I don't think I want the purpose of the interviews to be about finding one thing. But if I do pick something, will it cause me to judge them? Question them? Regard them differently? Is that what I want the readers to do? Do I need to come up with and ask the perfect question so that it reflects something that I want readers to pick up on?

• But then again, I feel I should be straying away from that. I don't necessarily want others to form an image or opinion because I caused, especially it's negative. I just want them to think differently, and have to decide something for themselves because of what I show them with these people. There has to be a point to he stories, and I'll need to ask just the right questions, and discuss the exact right thing so that the readers understand.
  

• But again, why? So they can learn a value or moral. Maybe it will be motivational for them. I want it to help others. I know personally, I want to learn something from these people's experiences. I want to bring that into the book.

• Maybe it can also be about giving them an honest chance to speak their minds, speak their opinions about something. A chance for them to propose/correct/speak out against/ make a point about something...

• And after telling their life story, and reflecting, are they happy and/or content with where they are now, and how they got there?

I warned you it was ranting.
But it got me thinking. One of main thoughts early on in this project, was another question.
Is there ever an age where we stop learning. An not only street smarts or just academics. But full on personal discoveries, or epiphanies. Something you experience and learn from.

I don't want to ignore any opportunity to learn from others or stop learning anything too soon.

NPR makes me smile.

Widely.


This morning I heard the following from Steve Inskeep:

"The pressing issue of immigration was expected to be a popular debate topic in this election, but it has been overshadowed by John McCain's houses, Barack Obama's faith, and Sarah Palin's lipstick."

I was honestly looking forward to hearing whatever I could about how the candidates would deal with the current immigration policies. It's probably not that important to people outside of Southern California. But I want to know what they think, partially because I hear a lot about it living here, compared to someone in oh, Nebraska. Some of these peoples' stories are heart wrenching, and I would love to see what else these presidential candidates are willing to boldly promise us.

I dislike election years, if you happened not to grasp that.

Tedious is the best adjective.

Oh this job.

I've worked a total of 6 days=14 hours=$140.

I feel really spoiled. I have a part time job at an office full of friendly people. It's within walking distance of my home. I only work Mon, Tues, Thurs, for 2 and a half hours, and Wed for just 2 hours. I 'm home by 5:25, and I don't have to come in on Fridays, nights, or weekends. The pay is well over minimum wage.

The only down side is that I'm not working with people even remotely close to my age. It's a bit of a disappointment. I've always wanted to work somewhere I new I would be active and productive; I'm plenty busy at the office, but the only reason I'm there is because of the pay.
It's worth it to work somewhere for two hours and make more money than you would working somewhere else for two hours.
Even if you don't see daylight and only stretch your legs every 40 minutes or so...