In due time

I wish that God could just simply ascend to Earth. Just once. Even if only for 2 minutes.
All doubts would disappear, faith would solidify, and praise would be worth shouting.
Plus, that would persuade anyone to follow Him, right? Seeing Him right before them?

Not necessarily. It would still take a while to explain everything this faith has to offer. Even if they saw Him, it doesn't mean they would be willing to change.
But if only that could be enough.
So then the responsibility sort of falls on us; to spread the wonderful story of our God and share what He brings.
But in the end, the person will be called to follow in God's own time.
So my question is, what is the purpose of evangelizing, I guess.
It may be inviting and comforting to hear of someone who watches over you and listens to you where ever and when ever you need it. But, especially if the person isn't too open the the idea at first, what do we do in the meantime?
Feel hopeless and useless waiting around for God to coax these stubborn people into His reach?

Wouldn't it be whole lot easier for all of us if He came for a visit? :)

This is simply one of those gnawing thoughts that chew away when it think of my purpose for going to Peru....

Many men will drink the rain

And turn to thank the clouds

Many men will hear you Speak

They will never turn around

But I will not forget

You are my god my king

With a thankful heart

I bring you my offering

And my sacrifice is

Not what You can give

But what I alone can

Give to you

A grateful heart I give

A thankful prayer I pray

A Wild dance I dance before You

A Loud song I sing

A huge bell I ring

A life of praise I live before you

Many men will pour their gold

And serve a thing that shines

Many men will read your words

They will never change their minds

Surprises

What???
E.S.L.R.?
Peru?
March Easter Break?
End of course exams?
Re-applications?
$1,700?!?
A job?
Green??

Who knew I'd be so bombarded with what 2008 has to throw at me.

This year it is hitting me hard-that self reflection and thought that comes with the new year. Time is incredible, flying past at super speeds and creating memories with each month. To look back on what the past year was can be funny, saddening, grin-inducing, and awkward. It's difficult to contemplate all that happened within the last 365 days; within the last few months even!
You start your sentences with "it seems like just yesterday..."

So now all I have to say is, that the moping is done, I'm SO motivated, and if I'm going to do this, do I have support?

it's all in a day's indulgences.

Feelin a bit tipsay from prime rib and potatoes and andnd, nd chezcake.
no moh sparklin cidah fo meh :)

plus, me arm's a bit sore at the moment from that darn wii.
so do I hear a bed calling me at this hour?

perhaps, but first how was everyone else's day?

...it's that thing called...a thermadorian Reaction?

Well, it was in the French Revolution. The period after the Terror, when life just drifted back to normal. After Robespierre was killed and the new government started new with the Thermidor calendar and whatnot.

Yes, that hectic last week of school has fled like Marie-Antoinette and that giant AP Euro history project, or my Louis XVI, is done and over with.
Although, it has obviously had some effect on me :)

I can finally catch up on sleep and take time on homework and just, enjoy life.
Which is all good with this time of year.

OH-and interesting fact of the day, to me anyway because a good deal of people already know this I bet, but

Hanukkah is not the Jewish equivalent of Christmas! I just find that funny because the two major December holidays are Christmas and Hanukkah.

But Christmas is a big thing for Christians, where Hanukkah is not that big a thing for Jewish people. For Christians it's Easter and Christmas, where as Passover isn't even that big for them either-their two major holidays are Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, and Yom Kippur.
It was intriguing, and shocking all the same.

This day before the day before was warm! The first day of Winter, after a week of gloomy yet chilly rain and clouds, was around 70 degrees (actually it technically is Christmas Eve).
Ugghh. And here I thought because it was cold this close to Christmas, we might have had a comfortably cold holiday.
But what was I thinking? It will always get warm around this time-awful southern California.

Oh well. Snow on Friday at Mt. Pinos!
In the meantime, here is another Christmas favorite of mine. Hope we sing it tomorrow at Christmas Eve service.

Angels we have heard on high
Sweetly singing o'er the plains,
And the mountains in reply
Echoing their joyous strains.

Gloria, in excelsis Deo!
Gloria, in excelsis Deo!

Shepherds, why this jubilee?
Why your joyous strains prolong?
What the gladsome tidings be
Which inspire your heavenly song?

Gloria, in excelsis Deo!
Gloria, in excelsis Deo!

Come to Bethlehem and see
Christ Whose birth the angels sing;
Come, adore on bended knee,
Christ the Lord, the newborn King.

Gloria, in excelsis Deo!
Gloria, in excelsis Deo!

See Him in a manger laid,
Whom the choirs of angels praise;
Mary, Joseph, lend your aid,
While our hearts in love we raise.

Gloria, in excelsis Deo!
Gloria, in excelsis Deo!
Gloria, in excelsis Deo!

...I haven't felt merry yet.

Is it not funny that so many things can happen in a matter of 4 days?
So many.

Between all of the homework and projects and chores and school commitments and club commitments and church activities and holiday gifts and shopping and spending time with people and remembering all of this,

it could sometimes become difficult to remember simple things like taking a shower or feeding the dog.

And ALL of this occurring in four days??
Crazy. Where is the sense of relaxation of the holidays?
Oh wait, the Christmas season is never relaxing until Christmas actually comes.

We can always try though, right?
so,
here's another one of those covered Christmas songs (to the tune of Baby it's Cold Outside).

I just want to stay hooome,
No, you've got to go back to school.
But I'm too lazy to work now m'm.
Just get your butt back to school.
This vacation did not last,
Well, not too short, not too fast.
long enough for meeeee.
If you will just go, again you'll be in your old rou-tine.
But what if I just can't make it-
Oh come on now, you can't fake it.
The first week is always so hard.
You'll be alright once past the yard.
I guess if you're gonna insist,
That's right, you won't be missed.
I'll go and get my backpack ready,
You won't be late if you keep it this steady.
I just wish I could stay,
Your education-don't be a foooool-
Gosh I've got to baaack tooo schooool.
(Yes you've)

...I doubt I'm going anywhere.

I'm having thoughts.

These relieving yet abnormal thoughts that just creep back into my mind throughout the day.
They try and persuade me to just give up on my religion altogether.
And they're doing a pretty good job.

I think;
What would be the harm? Quite a few things would be better in my life-it's not like I growing or moving on in my walk with Christ. I wouldn't have to go to church or Tuesday nights. I wouldn't have to sing songs that are supposed to be from my heart, but feel like they're simply words.
I wouldn't have to feel like I'm praying to nothing-no one.

If I just let it all go for a while; just a break from time with God; If I didn't even think about-prayer, praise, communion, studying His word-what would happen?

And if I felt like something was missing, I could always return, right?

But then I know it would never be the same. And what about salvation? What about baptism? What about faith and strength and love?

It's just...
I don't think I can continue just muddling through life as it is now. I'm not going anywhere, and don't know if I can even return to the close relationship I've had in previous years.

...the spirit has begun to beckon.

So today.
The last day of November.
Am I making the best of the last day of this fall month?
Who cares?!
I wore gloves and a scarf because it was so cold today! Autumn is on its way out!

December is here, along with the wonderful holiday season, and that means-

three more full weeks of school-advent calendars-desperation for money-shopping-teachers cramming-students cramming-warmer clothes-Christmas songs and caroling-The Tree-adorning The Tree-hugging The Tree-candle lit Sunday mornings-decorating the Sanctuary and Fellowship Hall-sugar cookies-cookie exchanges-wrapping paper-light bulbs-Santa hats-hot chocolate-great Christmas movies and shows-

It never ends!
And so begins the rush that can sometimes leave us burnt out, pummeled not only with snow but with the constant bombardment of things we need to buy or receive or anything, that draws us away from what Christmas is about.

That sounds really cliché.
BUT still ever so true.

It is so important to remember the love and reality behind this holiday. The birth of Jesus, the reasons for his life and the appreciation, joy and praise that should come out of it. That is why I'm going to share one of my favorite Christmas hymns.

O come all ye faithful
Joyful and triumphant
O come ye, o come ye to Bethlehem
Come and behold Him
Born the king of angels:
O come let us adore him
O come let us adore him
O come let us adore him
Christ the Lord

Sing, choirs of angels,
Sing in exultations,
Sing, all ye citizens of Heaven above;
Glory to God
Glory in the highest:
O come let us adore him
O come let us adore him
O come let us adore him
Christ the Lord

Yea, Lord, we greet thee,
Born this happy morning,
Jesus, to thee be all glory giv'n;
Word of the Father,
Now in flesh appearing:
O come let us adore him
O come let us adore him
O come let us adore him
Christ the Lord!

...I've been easing into the Holiday Season

Peppermint Chapstick and Trader Joes' Jo-Jo's,

Freezing Cold Weather and Wind that numbs my Nose,

Local Church bells with their annual rings-

These are a few of my favorite things.

But Seriously,
I love the Christmas, holiday, winter time all around. But over the years, I think I've lost the deep excitement and loud spirit that accompanies December. No matter how much I pummel carols into my head, or how warmly I dress, I just don't feel the same way. Maybe it's the increased work loads over the years, or just the imminent aging process. Either way, I'll still enjoy the traditions, and hopefully I can get into a bit more this season. The lights are up, I drank some hot coco, and we get our tree next weekend.

Check back for more cheesy carol covers throughout the month :)

...I am annoyed.

I'm annoyed that life isn't just what I thought it'd be.
I'm annoyed with people close to me that I never thought I'd be annoyed with.
I'm annoyed at how teachers think we're done learning and can handle anything they throw at us.

Annoyed at the world for charging money.
Annoyed at Anthropologie for requiring me to be 18 or older to have my dream job-decorating intern for college credits and store discounts.

Annoyed at myself for not being able to control it all.
Irritated, exasperated, aggravated.

It's seems that the only thing there is to follow is exhaustion and then complete submission.
I'd rather keep control of my life though.

And with the advice from a close friend and my newly rediscovered bible, I'm ready to turn over the controls to God, and quit neglecting Him as I feel I've been doing for the last 8 months or so.

Annoying.


"If your ultimate focus isn't right, then everything else is going to be going in its own direction."

...I think I'm losing people.

It's a little sad. But it's expected.
People grow apart. Things change, blah blah blah.

I get it, that's life.

I think sometimes I just don't expect things to happen to me. Even though they're looming closer than ever, and I will eventually have to experience them.
Like driving-I'm terrified to start, but I know I'll eventually have to. And what do you need for a car? Money, for gas...and the car for that matter. And where do you get money?
A job...ugghhhh.

But it's not just these types of things that frighten me. Lately I've been feeling more distant from people I used to be around nonstop. But some have just been hanging around a new crowd, and I except that. We still talk and hang out every once in a while.
But then there are the people I don't want to-cannot let go of. Mainly, my best friend since 5th grade.
We haven't had a class together since then besides one year of P.E. in 8th grade. But we actually had a little fight that year, so I don't really count it.

But yet, we've remained friends and we're close. And sure, she's had other friends, people I don't know, people in her classes. We would eat lunch together and with my other friends who she was friends with too. But then something happened; she claims they would ignore her behind my back or not invite her to things I was asked to come to. And I don't know. I feel I can trust her, but those things aren't typical of the group I now hang out with.
She began to eat lunch with other people, some I didn't like, others that I was friends with too. And I just saw less and less of her at school. I guess it wasn't too bad-we're still close, and she'd still do things with me too. Earlier this school year, September, she befriended a girl named Anna. Never met her. She sounded nice, and now that's all I hear.

But some things are annoying me. For instance, her first homecoming-dance for that matter, since 8th grade-and naturally I want to be there with her. I invite her to spend the night with me and my 'group.' She knows them, but declines, because she doesn't want to spend homecoming with people she thinks might be mean to her. Okay.
But she goes with Anna? Someone she met just this year? That she's known for a month? They, meaning Danielle, Anna, and Anna's best friend Monica, and all of their moms, go to Bucca di Beppo before the dance. Out of all the 4 years I've known her, Our mom's have never done anything together. Let alone something that special.

Sound jealous? a bit.
Am I overreacting? maybe.

Even though we still danced together and hung out at the dance, it would have been nice to have been there with her more.
And now, last night was the T.O. football game. Danielle came with Anna and I went with a few of my closer friends from school too. But it just felt awkward. We all stayed close to each other, but it was the first time I really met Anna. I saw her at the dance, but we actually sat on the same bench and talked and rode home together. With Danielle too.
I don't know. The best way I can describe spending the night with them was as if Danielle and I were divorced, but still spending the evening together with her new spouse. All of us. Weird.

I'll get over it. I can't admit I'm a little jealous of how much time and what she spends her time doing with Anna. Hopefully we can all get to know each other more. Hopefully I won't lose her.