Guilt.
Surprisingly, people feel it a lot of the time.
It's honestly a major thing that can bring you farther from God.
People actually have guilt problems.
It can drag you down to feeling awful; hopeless and undeserving.
It stems from not accepting forgiveness, clinging to regretful actions that you won't let go of.
But what's the sense in remembering something like that-is it more significant than forgiveness?
Unneeded burdens are worse than any kind of disapproval...it would be much easier to let Him take your regrets from you, so you can move on to being free of that weight.
Guilt leads to want to improve your actions so that you don't ever experience what made you feel remorseful in the first place again. But a constant bombardment of improvements for yourself is never good.
Sure; you can learn your lesson, but always beating yourself up over things can create a tendency to bring yourself farther and farther into that deep dislike for how you are.
Which, by the way, is forgiven.
2.29.2008
2.20.2008
"Resscccuuuueee is coommminggggggg"
What is it about music that urges our want to sing?
Just the right tempo and sound of drums can send us leaping down the hall.
The perfect amount of fuzzed techno static starts our shoulders moving and we dance.
At the right pitch and key of piano our vocal chords will get some use.
Is it the beauty of the melody or harmony we hear that can make us tear up? Or is it because the lyrics connect with us somehow? Both?
I know that certain voices send shivers down my spine when listen. That always seemed weird, like it was an actual bodily response to the sound I was hearing.
Which makes sense; apparently one of the eight characteristics of living things is that something alive will respond to its surroundings, observed by any of the senses.
I like contagious songs;
songs you can clap to;
songs that are enjoyable to sing with,
to dance to,
to close your eyes
let anything else go
be alone with what you're singing and hearing
and why...
( definition of worship?)
It's one of my favorite means of praise. If you encounter difficulty when searching for something to praise Him about, just think-
Do you, or would you want to for that matter,
sing to anyone else?
Just the right tempo and sound of drums can send us leaping down the hall.
The perfect amount of fuzzed techno static starts our shoulders moving and we dance.
At the right pitch and key of piano our vocal chords will get some use.
Is it the beauty of the melody or harmony we hear that can make us tear up? Or is it because the lyrics connect with us somehow? Both?
I know that certain voices send shivers down my spine when listen. That always seemed weird, like it was an actual bodily response to the sound I was hearing.
Which makes sense; apparently one of the eight characteristics of living things is that something alive will respond to its surroundings, observed by any of the senses.
I like contagious songs;
songs you can clap to;
songs that are enjoyable to sing with,
to dance to,
to close your eyes
let anything else go
be alone with what you're singing and hearing
and why...
( definition of worship?)
It's one of my favorite means of praise. If you encounter difficulty when searching for something to praise Him about, just think-
Do you, or would you want to for that matter,
sing to anyone else?
2.18.2008
What a little help can do
I would constantly turn to God expecting his help.
Expecting, not asking.
It does not hurt to ask for help. For months I would try to turn to Him, always blaming myself for being selfish to want to ask for God's hand, or anyone's for that matter. Repeated shame sent me into a stage I recognized as simple helplessness.
He is there. We are His, and He wants us to fully grasp that-we are loved by our creator.
The feeling that accompanies the return from such a deep, distant place is wonderful.
Something as simple as a prayer can be so powerful-and helpful.
Expecting, not asking.
It does not hurt to ask for help. For months I would try to turn to Him, always blaming myself for being selfish to want to ask for God's hand, or anyone's for that matter. Repeated shame sent me into a stage I recognized as simple helplessness.
He is there. We are His, and He wants us to fully grasp that-we are loved by our creator.
The feeling that accompanies the return from such a deep, distant place is wonderful.
Something as simple as a prayer can be so powerful-and helpful.
"Loving Father,
Help me to experience the reality that I am the one Jesus loves.
Amen."
Help me to experience the reality that I am the one Jesus loves.
Amen."
2.15.2008
I dare you
Define love.
Try and explain what you feel when you see those close to you.
Is the emotion difficult to describe? Sure. We just fall back on it- " He was so loving" "We knew she did it out of love." But what comes to mind when you say I love you. Do you give it any thought? Have you ever really recognized your love for something after saying it for years?
I think the bible does a good job;
" 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
It's all true right?
I think I've always seen love as simply such admiration and care for someone, that you put them above yourself and can not live without them. In that way, love doesn't always have to be between a couple-of course you can love friends and family.
Love is an explanation for caring about someone in that way. We look to love keep relationships together. It is worth so much.
Can love stop though? If it has stopped, was ever really there? If it always hopes for the better and perseveres than we should come to see what love actually is.
Try and explain what you feel when you see those close to you.
Is the emotion difficult to describe? Sure. We just fall back on it- " He was so loving" "We knew she did it out of love." But what comes to mind when you say I love you. Do you give it any thought? Have you ever really recognized your love for something after saying it for years?
I think the bible does a good job;
" 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
It's all true right?
I think I've always seen love as simply such admiration and care for someone, that you put them above yourself and can not live without them. In that way, love doesn't always have to be between a couple-of course you can love friends and family.
Love is an explanation for caring about someone in that way. We look to love keep relationships together. It is worth so much.
Can love stop though? If it has stopped, was ever really there? If it always hopes for the better and perseveres than we should come to see what love actually is.
2.02.2008
Till you drop
"Could you please check for a size 8?" "Okay maybe a 71/2??" "Oh they only have a six." "Now that's a car." "These would just look perfect with that sweater I bought last month." "The coach symbol is just barely visible too, which I like." "My Aunt had a dark red convertible one being fixed across the country." "I love Steve Madden." "Oh the lace doesn't show when I walk around." "I can't leave the store without it."
I was obviously shopping yesterday. And it took me a while, but among these women scouring the racks for their shoe size, and the store retail clerks stalking you and jumping at any chance to persuade a sale, I realized how into the shopping spree I was getting.
I was trying on this (GORGEOUS) peach jacket, that was marked down. And that automatically makes it affordable in my mind-Marked down from 150 to 73?? Yes!
But I was looking at it some more. That changing room mirror not only displayed how nicely the jacket fit me, but also reflected someone who was changing her life so she could go to Peru.
Finally, I stopped debating and put the (BEAUTIFUL) darn thing back on the rack.
I just don't think I can hit the mall for a while. I forgot how into bargain hunting I get, and how I used to waste my money on things simply because I had allowance. I don't like being a snobby teen looking at the most expensive brands like she's a millionaire. And I'm glad I caught myself.
I have plenty of jackets.
I came home and started work on my letter and address list.
I was obviously shopping yesterday. And it took me a while, but among these women scouring the racks for their shoe size, and the store retail clerks stalking you and jumping at any chance to persuade a sale, I realized how into the shopping spree I was getting.
I was trying on this (GORGEOUS) peach jacket, that was marked down. And that automatically makes it affordable in my mind-Marked down from 150 to 73?? Yes!
But I was looking at it some more. That changing room mirror not only displayed how nicely the jacket fit me, but also reflected someone who was changing her life so she could go to Peru.
Finally, I stopped debating and put the (BEAUTIFUL) darn thing back on the rack.
I just don't think I can hit the mall for a while. I forgot how into bargain hunting I get, and how I used to waste my money on things simply because I had allowance. I don't like being a snobby teen looking at the most expensive brands like she's a millionaire. And I'm glad I caught myself.
I have plenty of jackets.
I came home and started work on my letter and address list.
1.31.2008
1.24.2008
What's it called again?
Oh yeah.
Fury. Anger. Betrayal. Deep, deep disappointment.
Those would describe this boiling emotion screaming to get out right now.
It's day like this that I wish I could snap my fingers and somehow just arrive back at a more innocent period in my life. Those childhood days, where life was good, no trauma, no stress. Things were stable. The biggest worry of your day was whether or not you were having PB&J for lunch.
None of this.
My youth pastor told me recently that I have a thing called an over-achiever personality. I highly doubt it. I would be better at turning in HW on time. But he told me that just the fact that I worry about my grades, and that I calculate how much money I could make on min. wage to save for 4 months, and that I stress about the more important things shows I act this way. And then he went on to say that he worries about me beating up on myself too much. And that when things like this happen, I should actually talk to people.
His biggest support for that advising statement? He was the first one I had told any of this to. So, I guess he's right.
And I guess I can't go on living innocently, thinking I'd never encounter any of life's obstacles.
Like David, I'm growing with Him, but still find plenty of room to complain.
Fury. Anger. Betrayal. Deep, deep disappointment.
Those would describe this boiling emotion screaming to get out right now.
It's day like this that I wish I could snap my fingers and somehow just arrive back at a more innocent period in my life. Those childhood days, where life was good, no trauma, no stress. Things were stable. The biggest worry of your day was whether or not you were having PB&J for lunch.
None of this.
My youth pastor told me recently that I have a thing called an over-achiever personality. I highly doubt it. I would be better at turning in HW on time. But he told me that just the fact that I worry about my grades, and that I calculate how much money I could make on min. wage to save for 4 months, and that I stress about the more important things shows I act this way. And then he went on to say that he worries about me beating up on myself too much. And that when things like this happen, I should actually talk to people.
His biggest support for that advising statement? He was the first one I had told any of this to. So, I guess he's right.
And I guess I can't go on living innocently, thinking I'd never encounter any of life's obstacles.
Like David, I'm growing with Him, but still find plenty of room to complain.
1.23.2008
And it has already rained
God never gives us something in our life that He knows we cannot handle.
I believed it. So while everyone intimidated by my Spanish 2 teacher's curriculum, and process of grading dropped out in early October, I stayed. It was a fun class and I knew that I"d actually learn more about the language. The whole semester seems like preparation for the end of term final; I mean, not really, but if you work hard he'll give you so many second chances that all that really matters is the final-your very last chance. I got a C+ last term and if you get higher the second term, he goes back and changes the grade before it's a transcript.
So the pressure's (was) on.
The grading system is very hard to understand, but once you do, you are prepared.
It points out every minute mistake and, since each daily test is only worth 10 points, you arent tested on everything and the little stupid mistakes you make add up.
The final is no different. It will catch you with any misspelling or missing accent mark and throw you just under the passing point.
I realize that there's no excuse for me not studying, because he is constantly reminding to do it 24/7. And it's also my lazy and procrastinating habits that led me to this probable D+.
It's like when you know that you need to fix the little dinged, broken piece of your right windshield wiper. You now that the storms are coming up soon, but you just put it off until It's already raining. Then what do you have; an unclear view of what's ahead.
I had all these nights to study, and what little I did wasn't enough. I just kept putting it off, knowing full well when the final was. And now the final is over, with 70% of my grade counting on whether or not I passed all the sections (the other 30% isn't all that great either).
Maybe he'll be as merciful as he was last term, seeing how this was one of my section scores:
10 pt grading scale
10 Excellent-A+
9 Very Good-A
8 Good-B
7 Satisfactory-C <-----7-Cut off point for passing any test/section of test.
<-----6.5-Score I got on one section of the final.
6 Insufficient-D If any of the essential Spanish 2 standard tests are failed, it
5-4 Poor-F+ is an automatic D in the class
3-1 Very Poor-F (thus, no Spanish three next year)
I believed it. So while everyone intimidated by my Spanish 2 teacher's curriculum, and process of grading dropped out in early October, I stayed. It was a fun class and I knew that I"d actually learn more about the language. The whole semester seems like preparation for the end of term final; I mean, not really, but if you work hard he'll give you so many second chances that all that really matters is the final-your very last chance. I got a C+ last term and if you get higher the second term, he goes back and changes the grade before it's a transcript.
So the pressure's (was) on.
The grading system is very hard to understand, but once you do, you are prepared.
It points out every minute mistake and, since each daily test is only worth 10 points, you arent tested on everything and the little stupid mistakes you make add up.
The final is no different. It will catch you with any misspelling or missing accent mark and throw you just under the passing point.
I realize that there's no excuse for me not studying, because he is constantly reminding to do it 24/7. And it's also my lazy and procrastinating habits that led me to this probable D+.
It's like when you know that you need to fix the little dinged, broken piece of your right windshield wiper. You now that the storms are coming up soon, but you just put it off until It's already raining. Then what do you have; an unclear view of what's ahead.
I had all these nights to study, and what little I did wasn't enough. I just kept putting it off, knowing full well when the final was. And now the final is over, with 70% of my grade counting on whether or not I passed all the sections (the other 30% isn't all that great either).
Maybe he'll be as merciful as he was last term, seeing how this was one of my section scores:
10 pt grading scale
10 Excellent-A+
9 Very Good-A
8 Good-B
7 Satisfactory-C <-----7-Cut off point for passing any test/section of test.
<-----6.5-Score I got on one section of the final.
6 Insufficient-D If any of the essential Spanish 2 standard tests are failed, it
5-4 Poor-F+ is an automatic D in the class
3-1 Very Poor-F (thus, no Spanish three next year)
1.22.2008
In due time
I wish that God could just simply ascend to Earth. Just once. Even if only for 2 minutes.
All doubts would disappear, faith would solidify, and praise would be worth shouting.
Plus, that would persuade anyone to follow Him, right? Seeing Him right before them?
Not necessarily. It would still take a while to explain everything this faith has to offer. Even if they saw Him, it doesn't mean they would be willing to change.
But if only that could be enough.
So then the responsibility sort of falls on us; to spread the wonderful story of our God and share what He brings.
But in the end, the person will be called to follow in God's own time.
So my question is, what is the purpose of evangelizing, I guess.
It may be inviting and comforting to hear of someone who watches over you and listens to you where ever and when ever you need it. But, especially if the person isn't too open the the idea at first, what do we do in the meantime?
Feel hopeless and useless waiting around for God to coax these stubborn people into His reach?
Wouldn't it be whole lot easier for all of us if He came for a visit? :)
This is simply one of those gnawing thoughts that chew away when it think of my purpose for going to Peru....
All doubts would disappear, faith would solidify, and praise would be worth shouting.
Plus, that would persuade anyone to follow Him, right? Seeing Him right before them?
Not necessarily. It would still take a while to explain everything this faith has to offer. Even if they saw Him, it doesn't mean they would be willing to change.
But if only that could be enough.
So then the responsibility sort of falls on us; to spread the wonderful story of our God and share what He brings.
But in the end, the person will be called to follow in God's own time.
So my question is, what is the purpose of evangelizing, I guess.
It may be inviting and comforting to hear of someone who watches over you and listens to you where ever and when ever you need it. But, especially if the person isn't too open the the idea at first, what do we do in the meantime?
Feel hopeless and useless waiting around for God to coax these stubborn people into His reach?
Wouldn't it be whole lot easier for all of us if He came for a visit? :)
This is simply one of those gnawing thoughts that chew away when it think of my purpose for going to Peru....
Many men will drink the rain
And turn to thank the clouds
Many men will hear you Speak
They will never turn around
But I will not forget
You are my god my king
With a thankful heart
I bring you my offering
And my sacrifice is
Not what You can give
But what I alone can
Give to you
A grateful heart I give
A thankful prayer I pray
A Wild dance I dance before You
A Loud song I sing
A huge bell I ring
A life of praise I live before you
Many men will pour their gold
And serve a thing that shines
Many men will read your words
They will never change their minds1.16.2008
Surprises
What???
E.S.L.R.?
Peru?
March Easter Break?
End of course exams?
Re-applications?
$1,700?!?
A job?
Green??
Who knew I'd be so bombarded with what 2008 has to throw at me.
This year it is hitting me hard-that self reflection and thought that comes with the new year. Time is incredible, flying past at super speeds and creating memories with each month. To look back on what the past year was can be funny, saddening, grin-inducing, and awkward. It's difficult to contemplate all that happened within the last 365 days; within the last few months even!
You start your sentences with "it seems like just yesterday..."
So now all I have to say is, that the moping is done, I'm SO motivated, and if I'm going to do this, do I have support?
E.S.L.R.?
Peru?
March Easter Break?
End of course exams?
Re-applications?
$1,700?!?
A job?
Green??
Who knew I'd be so bombarded with what 2008 has to throw at me.
This year it is hitting me hard-that self reflection and thought that comes with the new year. Time is incredible, flying past at super speeds and creating memories with each month. To look back on what the past year was can be funny, saddening, grin-inducing, and awkward. It's difficult to contemplate all that happened within the last 365 days; within the last few months even!
You start your sentences with "it seems like just yesterday..."
So now all I have to say is, that the moping is done, I'm SO motivated, and if I'm going to do this, do I have support?
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