What to expect...

I put my hair up into a ponytail for the first time in great many years.
It's tugging at my hair in unfamiliar angles that haven't been pulled in a long while; and it's giving me a headache.

I saw some people today that I haven't seen in years. We used to be somewhat friends, but then again, how close can 6 and 7 year olds be? Especially if they only see each other once or twice a week.
It brought back old memories of 'in-between Sundays' at church, and my former leaders, and the groups I was involved in, and people I used to be closer to.
And how much I miss it all.
The realization of all this saddens me in a way that I haven't felt recently.

It's making me think ahead as well.
Of the changes that are looming so closely; the things I have not yet said to some, and to others what might be too late to say.

In one month, I will be sixteen.
My youth pastor will have resigned.
I will have gotten a job (most likely).
A significant amount of metal will finally be absent from my head.
I'll be working towards my permit.
Preparation for Peru will become more constant.
I will be focusing on the AP exam, the SATs, the college options.
Some things I expect will have changed;
Others I hope will not have.

And amongst all these shifts, I anticipated such hardship, loss and gloom.

Last night I attended a Campus Crusaders concert at Moorpark college. A theme set for the majority of the night was change; its highs and lows, what comes with it, and how God comes into play. The band's name, Anvue, even had an internal meaning-A new view of life and things to come.
A speaker at the gathering discussed true hardship he has experienced. Deep, traumatic, events that changed the rest of his life. He explained how he is living now, and what really brought him out the depression-the knowledge of the Father, and how his view of Him shifted from just somebody who comes and goes, to a reliable love that will stay with faith.

I related somewhat to his insecurity and helplessness, but only to an extent. Hearing this young man's tesitmony made me realize how negatively I looked upon life and the future, and how it really isn't so hard. I take so many wonderful things throughout my life for granted, and totally overlook how much more miserable I would be without them. Now not necessarily stating that my problems aren't legitimate as well; but just to see how hitting a certain point can turn a person around and thrust him straight into the Lord's arms with willingness, and with such ease...it made me question how faithful I really am and how much I trust in God's will for me.

I remember that innocent faith and undoubted certainty that accompanied childhood. I really miss it. So much has changed that probably influenced my faith in God back then.
But, obviously, that is always going to happen.
Faith should never be lost just because of minor, even major things that occur.
And a strong trust in Him wouldn't.
It could, should even, strengthen faith, just trusting that He is in control of everything.

Change is both good and bad. It should strengthen my trust in God and assure me of His ever-present love, no matter what I'm experiencing.
I can look back on the past with disappointment and understanding, but I can also anticipate the future with joyful, hope-inducing trust.