Remarkable.
The essence of this theory is that we do not live in order, despite how structured our lives are. There is some form of chaos within everything around us. And it is uncontrollable.
The Butterfly Effect is part of it-the man who developed this idea, Edward Lorenz, used a butterfly to exemplify this: a butterfly in the pacific can flap its wings and cause a tornado in Texas.
Another way to see it is with a ball. The exact destination of a ball rolled into a valley depends on its initial starting point on a hill.
Small, seemingly insignificant events and our reactions to them have unthinkable amounts of possible outcomes.
And the concept affects our decisions.
It makes me think ahead.
What consequences will come of this choice? How could it benefit/hinder my direction in life?
It makes me think past.
What could I have done that caused this event in my life? What could be different now had I made a certain decision?
As I continued to dwell on those thoughts, it preoccupied me for a while. And not necessarily in a good way. There was sometimes remorse for the past, and a bit of anxiety for the future.
This stress and worry was so great, but not needed at all.
To remain on what and how you are doing in your life, to speculate and analyze every action, to needlessly overwhelm and work yourself up over how you cannot control this chaos is the last thing you or I need to do.
There are more important things to focus all our energy and concern on.
Besides, God has complete control.
Of course, we have a natural right to discern for ourselves and live with a free will, and God does not control our every motion and thought. But, realizing that, as in the Butterfly effect, there are SO many possible results that can occur from ANY choice we make. And I think God can foresee any and all of these possible future outcomes.
In this way, He influences our life in the people He sends into our path, or the opportunities that he leads us to.
He wants what's best for our life in Him, and he has the power to help with control in that way.
And so all of the extra worry and stress and anxiety is worthless; however, a little consideration for how you lead your life doesn't hurt.
In the midst of chaos, isn't it nice to have a little refuge in our lives?
Like a friend calling right as I begin to get overwhelmed.
Or feeling a strong urge to pray when I wander too far.
I do see it at work everyday; God's silent way of helping us through our hardships and nudging us in the right direction.
4.30.2008
4.23.2008
Thank you, God
One of the best Aprils in years.
All of this just reaffirms my faith in friendships and my adoration for all those around me.
Have you ever known someone that you enjoy hanging around and you don't annoy them too much and when you're having fun it is SO fun?
Multiply that by 10 or so more people.
And there you go.
About a year ago, I remember feeling incredibly happy upon my return from Mexico-at such a high point of happiness. It was mainly because the trip made me realize how blessed I was to have such wonderful people around me. And that was just my youth group-imagine how I feel now with the friendships I have a year later.
It is extremely comforting to spend time with those you love.
I suggest you do it frequently.
I know the most wonderful people in the world...I could even go so far as to say the universe.
I don't think I can fully express to them how grateful I am to have met them all.
All of this just reaffirms my faith in friendships and my adoration for all those around me.
Have you ever known someone that you enjoy hanging around and you don't annoy them too much and when you're having fun it is SO fun?
Multiply that by 10 or so more people.
And there you go.
About a year ago, I remember feeling incredibly happy upon my return from Mexico-at such a high point of happiness. It was mainly because the trip made me realize how blessed I was to have such wonderful people around me. And that was just my youth group-imagine how I feel now with the friendships I have a year later.
It is extremely comforting to spend time with those you love.
I suggest you do it frequently.
I know the most wonderful people in the world...I could even go so far as to say the universe.
I don't think I can fully express to them how grateful I am to have met them all.
4.09.2008
What a day.
That's really all there is to it.
How gratifying is it to know that those who leave your life aren't truly gone?
Does it give you hope? Or do you get caught up in all of the grief that accompanies this person's physical passing?
I don't know.
I know that it's hard. I haven't experienced too many deaths. And those I have weren't particularly awful as compared to others who experienced them with me.
Sometimes it makes me feel uncaring.
I wish I could have known them better. I would have wanted to enjoy their last few years with them. It probably would have helped both of us.
Today's news struck home significantly more, simply because it was much closer.
I did not know Cody Murphy. I hardly remember seeing Melanie Marcelletti. But because I know people who knew them closely, I empathize.
I feel for those who are leaving their thoughts on his myspace, or calling his phone to hear his voicemail message. It is so hard to let go.
Can you imagine not seeing someone that you saw everyday of your life? Someone you loved?
I'm praying for the lives that Cody touched; for their grief, for their faith, for their celebration and remembrance of him. Because if they were touched by this person, it won't be easy to let go of all of the memories. And they shouldn't.
Today my grandmother called to explain to us that, after years of battling chemotherapy, the doctors had done everything they could to help my great Aunt Karen. It wasn't caught quick enough.
She has been put into hospice care. The tumors are too much for her.
In reality, I believe it's the best thing to do.
The radiation was hurting her more than helping her.
She will be in comfort for her last few weeks.
And the best aspect of this is she definitely headed for the Lord in heaven.
It is hard to let go.
To the point of tears.
But a great thing about life is moving on,
and moving forward after living a life with Jesus,
and eventually meeting the Lord in all of his glory is truly great.
How gratifying is it to know that those who leave your life aren't truly gone?
Does it give you hope? Or do you get caught up in all of the grief that accompanies this person's physical passing?
I don't know.
I know that it's hard. I haven't experienced too many deaths. And those I have weren't particularly awful as compared to others who experienced them with me.
Sometimes it makes me feel uncaring.
I wish I could have known them better. I would have wanted to enjoy their last few years with them. It probably would have helped both of us.
Today's news struck home significantly more, simply because it was much closer.
I did not know Cody Murphy. I hardly remember seeing Melanie Marcelletti. But because I know people who knew them closely, I empathize.
I feel for those who are leaving their thoughts on his myspace, or calling his phone to hear his voicemail message. It is so hard to let go.
Can you imagine not seeing someone that you saw everyday of your life? Someone you loved?
I'm praying for the lives that Cody touched; for their grief, for their faith, for their celebration and remembrance of him. Because if they were touched by this person, it won't be easy to let go of all of the memories. And they shouldn't.
Today my grandmother called to explain to us that, after years of battling chemotherapy, the doctors had done everything they could to help my great Aunt Karen. It wasn't caught quick enough.
She has been put into hospice care. The tumors are too much for her.
In reality, I believe it's the best thing to do.
The radiation was hurting her more than helping her.
She will be in comfort for her last few weeks.
And the best aspect of this is she definitely headed for the Lord in heaven.
It is hard to let go.
To the point of tears.
But a great thing about life is moving on,
and moving forward after living a life with Jesus,
and eventually meeting the Lord in all of his glory is truly great.
4.05.2008
FINALLY.
After a hectic few weeks,
After distraught that I was causing you hurt
and worries you were feeling avoided,
After so much frustration on my part,
and so little supposed action on your's,
Finally, I hear:
"Even if it's just doing homework, I want to hang out and do something."
That's all I've wanted to hear.
"I agree!"
Thank goodness.
After distraught that I was causing you hurt
and worries you were feeling avoided,
After so much frustration on my part,
and so little supposed action on your's,
Finally, I hear:
"Even if it's just doing homework, I want to hang out and do something."
That's all I've wanted to hear.
"I agree!"
Thank goodness.
3.30.2008
Joy?
To all those in my youth group,
to everyone I spend time with at school,
to most of my family,
to the role models of my life,
and those who have made a difference,
Philippians 1:3
I love you all.
to everyone I spend time with at school,
to most of my family,
to the role models of my life,
and those who have made a difference,
Philippians 1:3
I love you all.
3.21.2008
When I survey that wondrous cross
We have a truly amazing God.
Jesus was born and then lived to love and share the Word of Salvation on Earth.
He brought forgiveness by taking our sins upon himself and dying on a cross.
When those who hated Him lashed out, He turned the other cheek for them as well. And He taught others to live this way.
He hoped that His death would show the ultimate forgiveness, and prove that love always rises above hatred; hoped that they would finally come to be with him and rejoice in kindness throughout.
And he willingly died knowing that people could easily mock Him and close their heart to Him even after He died for them.
They could easily just laugh and turn away.
But He did it anyway.
Truly amazing.
Jesus was born and then lived to love and share the Word of Salvation on Earth.
He brought forgiveness by taking our sins upon himself and dying on a cross.
When those who hated Him lashed out, He turned the other cheek for them as well. And He taught others to live this way.
He hoped that His death would show the ultimate forgiveness, and prove that love always rises above hatred; hoped that they would finally come to be with him and rejoice in kindness throughout.
And he willingly died knowing that people could easily mock Him and close their heart to Him even after He died for them.
They could easily just laugh and turn away.
But He did it anyway.
Truly amazing.
3.15.2008
What to expect...
I put my hair up into a ponytail for the first time in great many years.
It's tugging at my hair in unfamiliar angles that haven't been pulled in a long while; and it's giving me a headache.
I saw some people today that I haven't seen in years. We used to be somewhat friends, but then again, how close can 6 and 7 year olds be? Especially if they only see each other once or twice a week.
It brought back old memories of 'in-between Sundays' at church, and my former leaders, and the groups I was involved in, and people I used to be closer to.
And how much I miss it all.
The realization of all this saddens me in a way that I haven't felt recently.
It's making me think ahead as well.
Of the changes that are looming so closely; the things I have not yet said to some, and to others what might be too late to say.
In one month, I will be sixteen.
My youth pastor will have resigned.
I will have gotten a job (most likely).
A significant amount of metal will finally be absent from my head.
I'll be working towards my permit.
Preparation for Peru will become more constant.
I will be focusing on the AP exam, the SATs, the college options.
Some things I expect will have changed;
Others I hope will not have.
And amongst all these shifts, I anticipated such hardship, loss and gloom.
Last night I attended a Campus Crusaders concert at Moorpark college. A theme set for the majority of the night was change; its highs and lows, what comes with it, and how God comes into play. The band's name, Anvue, even had an internal meaning-A new view of life and things to come.
A speaker at the gathering discussed true hardship he has experienced. Deep, traumatic, events that changed the rest of his life. He explained how he is living now, and what really brought him out the depression-the knowledge of the Father, and how his view of Him shifted from just somebody who comes and goes, to a reliable love that will stay with faith.
I related somewhat to his insecurity and helplessness, but only to an extent. Hearing this young man's tesitmony made me realize how negatively I looked upon life and the future, and how it really isn't so hard. I take so many wonderful things throughout my life for granted, and totally overlook how much more miserable I would be without them. Now not necessarily stating that my problems aren't legitimate as well; but just to see how hitting a certain point can turn a person around and thrust him straight into the Lord's arms with willingness, and with such ease...it made me question how faithful I really am and how much I trust in God's will for me.
I remember that innocent faith and undoubted certainty that accompanied childhood. I really miss it. So much has changed that probably influenced my faith in God back then.
But, obviously, that is always going to happen.
Faith should never be lost just because of minor, even major things that occur.
And a strong trust in Him wouldn't.
It could, should even, strengthen faith, just trusting that He is in control of everything.
Change is both good and bad. It should strengthen my trust in God and assure me of His ever-present love, no matter what I'm experiencing.
I can look back on the past with disappointment and understanding, but I can also anticipate the future with joyful, hope-inducing trust.
It's tugging at my hair in unfamiliar angles that haven't been pulled in a long while; and it's giving me a headache.
I saw some people today that I haven't seen in years. We used to be somewhat friends, but then again, how close can 6 and 7 year olds be? Especially if they only see each other once or twice a week.
It brought back old memories of 'in-between Sundays' at church, and my former leaders, and the groups I was involved in, and people I used to be closer to.
And how much I miss it all.
The realization of all this saddens me in a way that I haven't felt recently.
It's making me think ahead as well.
Of the changes that are looming so closely; the things I have not yet said to some, and to others what might be too late to say.
In one month, I will be sixteen.
My youth pastor will have resigned.
I will have gotten a job (most likely).
A significant amount of metal will finally be absent from my head.
I'll be working towards my permit.
Preparation for Peru will become more constant.
I will be focusing on the AP exam, the SATs, the college options.
Some things I expect will have changed;
Others I hope will not have.
And amongst all these shifts, I anticipated such hardship, loss and gloom.
Last night I attended a Campus Crusaders concert at Moorpark college. A theme set for the majority of the night was change; its highs and lows, what comes with it, and how God comes into play. The band's name, Anvue, even had an internal meaning-A new view of life and things to come.
A speaker at the gathering discussed true hardship he has experienced. Deep, traumatic, events that changed the rest of his life. He explained how he is living now, and what really brought him out the depression-the knowledge of the Father, and how his view of Him shifted from just somebody who comes and goes, to a reliable love that will stay with faith.
I related somewhat to his insecurity and helplessness, but only to an extent. Hearing this young man's tesitmony made me realize how negatively I looked upon life and the future, and how it really isn't so hard. I take so many wonderful things throughout my life for granted, and totally overlook how much more miserable I would be without them. Now not necessarily stating that my problems aren't legitimate as well; but just to see how hitting a certain point can turn a person around and thrust him straight into the Lord's arms with willingness, and with such ease...it made me question how faithful I really am and how much I trust in God's will for me.
I remember that innocent faith and undoubted certainty that accompanied childhood. I really miss it. So much has changed that probably influenced my faith in God back then.
But, obviously, that is always going to happen.
Faith should never be lost just because of minor, even major things that occur.
And a strong trust in Him wouldn't.
It could, should even, strengthen faith, just trusting that He is in control of everything.
Change is both good and bad. It should strengthen my trust in God and assure me of His ever-present love, no matter what I'm experiencing.
I can look back on the past with disappointment and understanding, but I can also anticipate the future with joyful, hope-inducing trust.
2.29.2008
The tugging remorse
Guilt.
Surprisingly, people feel it a lot of the time.
It's honestly a major thing that can bring you farther from God.
People actually have guilt problems.
It can drag you down to feeling awful; hopeless and undeserving.
It stems from not accepting forgiveness, clinging to regretful actions that you won't let go of.
But what's the sense in remembering something like that-is it more significant than forgiveness?
Unneeded burdens are worse than any kind of disapproval...it would be much easier to let Him take your regrets from you, so you can move on to being free of that weight.
Guilt leads to want to improve your actions so that you don't ever experience what made you feel remorseful in the first place again. But a constant bombardment of improvements for yourself is never good.
Sure; you can learn your lesson, but always beating yourself up over things can create a tendency to bring yourself farther and farther into that deep dislike for how you are.
Which, by the way, is forgiven.
Surprisingly, people feel it a lot of the time.
It's honestly a major thing that can bring you farther from God.
People actually have guilt problems.
It can drag you down to feeling awful; hopeless and undeserving.
It stems from not accepting forgiveness, clinging to regretful actions that you won't let go of.
But what's the sense in remembering something like that-is it more significant than forgiveness?
Unneeded burdens are worse than any kind of disapproval...it would be much easier to let Him take your regrets from you, so you can move on to being free of that weight.
Guilt leads to want to improve your actions so that you don't ever experience what made you feel remorseful in the first place again. But a constant bombardment of improvements for yourself is never good.
Sure; you can learn your lesson, but always beating yourself up over things can create a tendency to bring yourself farther and farther into that deep dislike for how you are.
Which, by the way, is forgiven.
2.20.2008
"Resscccuuuueee is coommminggggggg"
What is it about music that urges our want to sing?
Just the right tempo and sound of drums can send us leaping down the hall.
The perfect amount of fuzzed techno static starts our shoulders moving and we dance.
At the right pitch and key of piano our vocal chords will get some use.
Is it the beauty of the melody or harmony we hear that can make us tear up? Or is it because the lyrics connect with us somehow? Both?
I know that certain voices send shivers down my spine when listen. That always seemed weird, like it was an actual bodily response to the sound I was hearing.
Which makes sense; apparently one of the eight characteristics of living things is that something alive will respond to its surroundings, observed by any of the senses.
I like contagious songs;
songs you can clap to;
songs that are enjoyable to sing with,
to dance to,
to close your eyes
let anything else go
be alone with what you're singing and hearing
and why...
( definition of worship?)
It's one of my favorite means of praise. If you encounter difficulty when searching for something to praise Him about, just think-
Do you, or would you want to for that matter,
sing to anyone else?
Just the right tempo and sound of drums can send us leaping down the hall.
The perfect amount of fuzzed techno static starts our shoulders moving and we dance.
At the right pitch and key of piano our vocal chords will get some use.
Is it the beauty of the melody or harmony we hear that can make us tear up? Or is it because the lyrics connect with us somehow? Both?
I know that certain voices send shivers down my spine when listen. That always seemed weird, like it was an actual bodily response to the sound I was hearing.
Which makes sense; apparently one of the eight characteristics of living things is that something alive will respond to its surroundings, observed by any of the senses.
I like contagious songs;
songs you can clap to;
songs that are enjoyable to sing with,
to dance to,
to close your eyes
let anything else go
be alone with what you're singing and hearing
and why...
( definition of worship?)
It's one of my favorite means of praise. If you encounter difficulty when searching for something to praise Him about, just think-
Do you, or would you want to for that matter,
sing to anyone else?
2.18.2008
What a little help can do
I would constantly turn to God expecting his help.
Expecting, not asking.
It does not hurt to ask for help. For months I would try to turn to Him, always blaming myself for being selfish to want to ask for God's hand, or anyone's for that matter. Repeated shame sent me into a stage I recognized as simple helplessness.
He is there. We are His, and He wants us to fully grasp that-we are loved by our creator.
The feeling that accompanies the return from such a deep, distant place is wonderful.
Something as simple as a prayer can be so powerful-and helpful.
Expecting, not asking.
It does not hurt to ask for help. For months I would try to turn to Him, always blaming myself for being selfish to want to ask for God's hand, or anyone's for that matter. Repeated shame sent me into a stage I recognized as simple helplessness.
He is there. We are His, and He wants us to fully grasp that-we are loved by our creator.
The feeling that accompanies the return from such a deep, distant place is wonderful.
Something as simple as a prayer can be so powerful-and helpful.
"Loving Father,
Help me to experience the reality that I am the one Jesus loves.
Amen."
Help me to experience the reality that I am the one Jesus loves.
Amen."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
