FEAR

Growing up, you probably realize somethings about yourself.
Like what you are afraid of.

Let me scroll down that list for a second...

• Heights
• Spiders
• diseases
• terrorist attacks
  
• needles
• incredible storms
  
• noises in the dark
• Any of those jump-out-at-you Halloween places
  

Most of these I can deal with nowadays if I can calm myself down before. I've gotten so much better with spiders-even just in these past few years. I've gone from hysteria and anxiety to nervous, forced, courage. I can walk across the bridges above our quad at school without becoming too shaky. Diseases and needles? They can go hand in hand, so I had to get over at least one.

Anyway. As I've grown, there are different things in this world that frighten me. More serious and psychological things.

• Environmental damage/ resource depletion
• Hunger
• Economic collapse
• Straying from my faith
• The 2008 election
• Not doing enough for others
  
• College/Careers
• Bigger spiders (seriously)

I may still have to keep my cool and refuse to look down when I climb the stairs at the Civic Arts Plaza, but I am working toward letting go of those unimportant fears, so that eventually I can relieve myself of these other worries. It's okay to be aware, but I'd like to rid myself of any major, stressful fears, especially any that simply concern me.

In Good Company

I know some pretty amazing people.
But this year is so completely different from last year.
Each person has their own complex schedule,
their own individual priorities,
their own precious time to spend.

It's disappointing when I don't get to see everyone on a regular basis.
But on the bright side I feel that this challenges us to make an effort to see each other, and in a way, it might just provide opportunities to see who really matters in our lives.
It's a sad thought, but it is true.

School Spirit

This was an entry I wrote a year ago, when I was planning on starting a blog, and then never posted. It was after one of the best football games of the year, when we played Rio Mesa. It was so much fun, and tells the story of Jessica, Katie, Hilary, Sharika, and me during those 3 hours or so.

I just feel like reminiscing. We plan on going to Café Topanga again this friday before the home game. It's now a tradition to get our crème brulee to go. Hah.

So.

What happens when you put a plate of crème brulee and a bowl of chocolate mousse in front of 5 hungry teenagers at Café Topanga?

They scarf it down.

Now, three of them, whom you’d expect to be the more hyper ones, have no after-affects from the sugar whatsoever.

The other two begin to have extreme sugar highs; and what can come out of this can only be described by the following:

The twisting/creating of songs/cheers-

The band plays the songs, we sing our lyrics…which just happen to be cheers for when we play TO.

The “Hey Song.” (to the tune of 'Rock and Roll' by Gary Glitter)

Da duuuh da-duh, HEY! da-duh da-duh da-duh,

Da duuuuh da-duh, HAY! that’s-what the-horses-eat,

Da duuuuh da-duh, MEAT! that’s-what the-Panthers-eat!

The cheerleaders then get up and cheer, as they should.

Catch up,

Go, go team panthers!

Catch up,

Go, go team catch up!

Or something along those lines-I don’t recall the entire thing.

So then we, that is, Jessica and me, create a condiment cheer.

Ketchup,

Go, go team Mustard! (Please keep in your mind that our school colors are black and yellow before you begin to think that Jessica and I lost ours)

Ketchup,

Go, go team Mustard!

And I’m sure there was something about olives and lettuce in there somewhere, but it was improvised.

The two acts of Treason-

So after all of this, we notice that Rio Mesa has a bigger crowd than we usually see.

And the more we look on at these super spirited students and parents, the more like a feel-good sport movie it becomes!

They brought posters and hung them from the railings and fences; their band, though small, is louder than our cheerleaders and band put together; their chants are more creative and the band is very active and did as they pleased-so much so it reminded me of HSM; EVERYONE knows the cheers and everyone sings them; there is even a bobbing, dancing squad crowded in behind them!

We are quite amazed. Naturally, we are drawn to join them and observe this spectacle.

Twice we travel across to the opposing side to sit among those visitors. The first and less cautious trip, we sit as near as we can to the pep squad.

However,

A few moms get rowdy and recognize Katie’s NP DRUMLINE sweatshirt from behind us.

Not good. We leave in haste.

When we go back, we sit in different seats. And we only return so one of us, who shall remain nameless, can see this one shirtless band guy.

Can’t really say I enjoyed booing when NP scored a touchdown. We miss the Hey song, so we leave, homesick, again.

Hahaaaaaa

I've blogged for a year on Thursday.

53 posts.

About one a week.

Man, I'm good at this :)




^ (sarcasm)

I'm a better chef.

When I have nothing else to say, I can always just show you.

I enjoy art walks/shows/exhibits so much. It's always interesting to see how each artist has their own style, their own strength.
Like this person who I think is great with shadows.













Or one of my favorite local artists known for incredible color and abstract concepts. He paints these aquarium scenes on mirrors as well...





John Sidman






And today, I thought this man's photography was amazing. There were others that I deemed even more innovative and impressive.







'Jocko' McFadden








I find it intriguing that there are hundreds of artists involved in this biannual art show; artistic people are still thriving wherever you go, bu tyou can tell its difficult for most to have it as a career.
Artists enjoy other artists' work at such a deeper level than most others. Which is sad, because artists don't usually have the money to afford others' works of art because they're trying to sell their own. For the most part, those who buy artwork are investing in a decoration that they find asthetically pleasing.
I've felt its more than that. I love to critique and observe and search a peice for meaning, purpose, message, and tone. It really helps inspire me.
I already have ideas after today.

thoughts on living

I'm just about half way through, my seventeenth year of life.

And what do I really have to show for it?
Nothing SUPER extraordinary, being who I am.

but that's the thing. It isn't necessarily about works.

Of course it's beneficial to be worldly aware and interact with others. But you could live your entire life in a house, never leaving, and still have something to look forward to after life on earth.

Among the most important things here is a relationship with God and a loving attitude in everything you do.

I would love a mission trip right about now...

Picture every thing on your bookcase, everything on each shelf; count them all. Between 20-50 individual things, right?
Now take a closer look around your room, and try to count all of that.
Imagine your entire home.




there are so many things

in my room.

in my house.

on my street.

in my neighborhood.

in my town,

county,

state,

country.
We are a wealthy nation.

Autumnal Eve

"September comes and so does Fall,
And all my friends come to call.
School is here, they give a cheer,
But I'm not happy at all."

-Hannah McMaster
Early Grade 2



I love fall days actually. Once they begin to feel like Autumn. Which could take a while in SoCal...

Mixed emotions

It's hard to be in a certain mood lately.

There are so many wonderful and sad things happening at once that I have to sit down to sort through them all.

Nick was right. We have all become too good at masking our true feelings.
I wonder if that's why it's harder for some people to meet others for the first time. You can trust your friends with most things, and you know what they're reactions are going to be. You grow accustomed to sharing certain things with them.
When you meet someone new, you barely have an idea of how they are. It's difficult at first to know what you can show and what you need to hide.

I can hardly think of what I'm typing right now because something floats to the center of my attention every 10 seconds.

I haven't felt this way before. It's interesting. My feelings truly are mixed because I don't know what to feel.

What I want to do is lofty.

There's that cliched phrase, "follow your dreams."

I've begun to realize how much I ignore that. I have always just thought of dreams as lofty and unreachable. Idealistic. I figured I should just work for something I know I could attain, and play it safe; be sure not reach to far just to end up falling. Then the other half of me tends to wonder what would happen if I tried a little harder; what if I could have made it, what if I could have done that well, and I just never tried?
This is the most common controversial issue that I struggle to straighten out when I consider my future.
The side that urges me to give it a go is winning right now.

Mainly because I've been thinking of some interesting concepts and ideas that I love exploring.

I'm considering writing a book. Well, more of a compilation. Of interviews.

I know that sounds boring and weird. But I'm planning something different, and I even had trouble explaining it to myself at first. I wrote a two page rant last night that weighed my options:

• These interviews aren't standard interviews. Whenever I've heard interviews, they focus on one person and and one topic that's discussed between the two of them. But I want ask different things. Questions that help me lean more than just what this person is already known for. I want to get to know these people. I wouldn't call them mini biographies, but almost. I started out with this concept, but saw no point to it. Especially when I began falling into this trend of choosing interviewees like 'Water polo coach' or 'Baptist Preacher.' Why? I had to ask myself why. I just want to know about their lives. But if that's all, whats the purpose? What am I to show and share with others?

• Is it selfish of me to want to meet with these people ? Especially if they are well-known, or famous? And just to talk for a little while? Should I be taking time out of their busy schedule just so I can learn about them? I think there definitely needs to be some sort of output that can benefit others when I do this.
  

• And if the discussions don't center around one topic (their achievements, organizations, historic happenings), isn't it just simply talking? Wouldn't that take a while? Wouldn't that be seen as trying to become friends with them? Which is fine in one sense, but selfish in another. And why publish it? Why track these people down?

• Am I looking for their point of view? What exactly am I looking for in each person/personality? I don't think I want the purpose of the interviews to be about finding one thing. But if I do pick something, will it cause me to judge them? Question them? Regard them differently? Is that what I want the readers to do? Do I need to come up with and ask the perfect question so that it reflects something that I want readers to pick up on?

• But then again, I feel I should be straying away from that. I don't necessarily want others to form an image or opinion because I caused, especially it's negative. I just want them to think differently, and have to decide something for themselves because of what I show them with these people. There has to be a point to he stories, and I'll need to ask just the right questions, and discuss the exact right thing so that the readers understand.
  

• But again, why? So they can learn a value or moral. Maybe it will be motivational for them. I want it to help others. I know personally, I want to learn something from these people's experiences. I want to bring that into the book.

• Maybe it can also be about giving them an honest chance to speak their minds, speak their opinions about something. A chance for them to propose/correct/speak out against/ make a point about something...

• And after telling their life story, and reflecting, are they happy and/or content with where they are now, and how they got there?

I warned you it was ranting.
But it got me thinking. One of main thoughts early on in this project, was another question.
Is there ever an age where we stop learning. An not only street smarts or just academics. But full on personal discoveries, or epiphanies. Something you experience and learn from.

I don't want to ignore any opportunity to learn from others or stop learning anything too soon.